I also have two siblings. Two younger brothers. They are different like black and white but still inseparable. We siblings don’t have much of a gap between each other. The eldest is me and then my brother two years younger to me and then the youngest one.
We all are in our early twenties. In school it always used to be that my brother’s teacher would call me to complain of them. We three went to the same school and I always that it was restriCting. Like I couldn’t talk to anyone freely but now I feel it was ok that I don’t have to go through the stuff that a lot of other girls face. Like they do things but on somebody else’s norms. But I did whatever I wanted, I did it all on my terms at the right time and age.
My middling, there is a lot to say about him. His efforts to prove himself and his success, his achievements, his transformation, his smile and his nicknames. His name is Aman. 20 years old. His nicknames always annoyed him like Annu, anni, and a lots that I can’t say or he wii le more annoyed. He is strong. And I don’t mean physicallymbut he is the man of the house. I have my dad but he is the only one responsible. It’s true that I support my family financially and I worked for our studies and now I have a career. But he supported us emotionally. He is the backbone of this family.
He supported me during my breakdown. He stood for me. He never brings his friends at home because of me and my mother. Not because he is stereotypic, it’s his eternal love for me. He always says me to find a right guy for myself. He always brings his eatables home to share it with me. And on his off days when he is at home he make sures that he come to see me off and always picks my bag and drops me to the cab.
He is an amazing person. And I love him too much. I can’t even think of hurting him. He always sings a song for me.
He is my partner in crime and my a few tiktoks. Whenever I go to my mom he is always there to tag along. We have also fought a lot of fights together. We just can’t bear any finger pointing towards us or our family. In short we hate pointless accusations. But he is very picky about things. He doesn’t like stuff so quickly. He would do a lot of research before buying anything. The best part is I have to go shopping for him also and I don’t take him with me otherwise he won’t even let me buy it. But whatever I buy he always loves it.
There is a lot more to say about him but I will just wrap it up he is my Om. He is my end of sorrows and source of happiness but sometimes the cycle reverses as well. Because there is always a scope of betterment in every relationship. At each and every step all the relationships have to open a new lock and the difficult part is not opening the lock it’s the finding of key………….
What is love?
Love has a lots of definition. They say love existed before any existence. Different word, different culture, different races,different caste, different origin but still one feeling. One word- love. Amor, मोहब्बत, Ai, amore, Liebe, lyublyu, aejeong, amour, etc etc………………… so many spellings still one feeling that we feel for the other person. Love is a string that is made of the world’s strongest element. Love is a bond that two special person feel for each other. Love is a bond that a mother does to her one child or two or three children equally. Love is inter dependency between the tree and soil. Love is a relation between two families when they are united by a marriage. Love is what raj had for Simran, Rahul had for teena and then Anjali. Love is between Kaushal and Shyam. Love is between tia and her puppy. Love is between Radha and Priya. Love is between a king and his kingdom. Love is between a teacher and a student.
Une relation entre dieu et disciple qui est amour.
Sicut dilexit Romeo Juliet.
Pyaar wo hai jo ek deshbhakt Apne desh se karta hai .
Love is what god does to us.
Love is everywhere like between a mountain and a river otherwise why would a mountain cry silently to quench thirst of a river. Love is what a solider does to his country otherwise why would he die willingly for his country and even in his last breath that shine donot fades in his eyes. Love is what a farmer does to his people otherwise why would he kill himself for the failure of others. No seed, no rain. Still he holds himself captive. He only knows to grow food that he couldn’t do.
But why to limit this word with only that one relationship. Can only a girl love a boy or a boy will love girl only? Why to fit this word only for this relationship. Why can we only approve the love which is between a boy or a girl? If it has a lot to mean then why to limit it?
The irony is on us that such a self explanatory word and we couldn’t understand it. Can we ever be able to? Love is embracing your fault. Love is accepting your mistake. Love is caring for others. Love is taking fall for others. It is that leap of faith that a partner take for other in dancing.
Last year I went on a trip and I was standing on top of a hill. I could literally see clouds. The divinity in the air was endless. It looked like a starting point where all darkness ended. It looked like a beginning of a new chapter of my life. It looked like an objective thing at that time. But now I understand that what was it. It was the moment of falling in love. Love in me for myself. Love in me for others. Love in me for my family, my friends. Love for my partner.
Let’s climb these stairs together. Let’s walk together and be a witness to each other’s experience. Where does this brought us?
So let’s close our eyes and climb up together.
I can’t forget my first step that I took with my dad. When he handed me a very big responsibility and told me to go and discover what is there in this world for you. Your adventure awaits you. Can’t forget that how afraid I was to ask him for money but still he always used to keep money in my pocket quietly. And I always thanked my mother loudly so that he would hear me.
My second step. When I decided to go out of the house at an age of 16 to earn. I wanted to be a helping hand to my dad but I also wanted to be independent. I started giving tuitions to nursery kids and the joy of my first earning.
“The man who complains about the way the wall bounces is likely to be the one who dropped it.” —Lou holtz
This step was always exulansis. It was to fall in love again and again and every time that betrayal made me really very strong. I know it sounds funny. For this step I have to take one step ahead and two steps back. Because every time I thought of punishing myself. Instead of socialising at least a little bit I started to engage more and more everyday in my work. That connection was the same feeling like when you know that you are about to reach the destination and you realise that still how far it is. And then I have to start from the beginning.
And then I got a great job. I love my job. Because it gives me time to think about myself. I know I can be a little selfish and spent it one me. But my house was always my priority. End when I thought that it has ended. I had to take another step. I once read “if you truly want to be respected by people you love, you must prove to them that you can survive without them — Micheal bassey Johnson, The Infinity sign. But it is even not that easy to escape from all that you have just built. And just to leave it like that. Let’s say it’s fear. But isn’t it legitimate. It all started with my mom and dad’s poor communication. Instead I could see my mom and dad live their life together and let us watch them we had to look at each one of them and correct their failures. I am not complaining. We are still a reflection of our mom and dad. My mother’s self respect and my dad’s trust and knowledge. But it somewhere left us disturbed.
What I have learnt from all these steps is that do take these steps. Never be afraid. Because this is what makes you strong, your will and your decision making. Your tomorrow is a by product of your past and present. I still have a lots of climbing to do. So let’s just get up hold each other’s hand and see the view from top……………..
Today I thought to clean my room and decided to give it a small makeover. I cleaned my dressing table folded my clothes and once everything was done it was turn to do the most difficult task. My bed the most difficult task ever. I was standing just five steps away and I stared at it just thought that what is this or what kind of mess this is? Each step reminded me the incidents that happened with me and my blanket which was the only common thing in all of them.
With every crumbled fold I unfolded a suppressed emotion like my first crush and the day when he talked to me first time. My the moment of biggest happiness. Then with other crumble came the sea of sorrow when I experienced my life’s biggest fall. Then the gush of anxiety of accomplishing something in life. Then that weight of responsibilities of my mother and two brothers. Everything but not all together but with that wave about which you don’t know that what wreckage it will cause. With all those there was only one place which I know would definitely would be there to soothe me. On what I can rely on. My blanket which will wipe my tears of both happiness and sorrow. Which will help me to scream in alone and no one will get to know about my vulnerability except it. Because I know it will never leave my side. My blanket………………
I woke up this night and at the end just wished that it should never end.
I entered in the room through door and nothing was as usual, everything was different. I went by the window and saw those stars and then I looked at them and asked myself that why they sparkle (I mean I know the science) but why they were made so? The answer hits different. I realise their selfishness in doing so. I realise that they brighten because they want to show how happy they are to see their beloved night and then next moment dim (sad) ‘cause they also they now that the the sun is going to rise and take my beloved away. But the next moment I realise that they are not really selfish because they are still at their places and doing their part to direct people to their way even in the absence of moon. I mean there is one night when moon the biggest of them can live without night which the spectators claim to be made for each other. The stars stand still with the emotion. They are not selfish neither they are alone. They are worth love. Yes, worth love, worth each other’s love.
I realise that I can be happy and I can express it even if nobody likes it. I realise that I am here with my the most valuable family members who are the only constant in my everyday changing life. So instead of being sad about being someone leaving and loosing self. Love those who are with you.